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Why you are still single (2)
Here is a continuation of our earlier discussion I know why you are single.
Saying things like “I am who I am, take it or leave it” shows a lack of maturity and that is one of the reasons why you are still single. Every human being has weaknesses and aspiring to be better is what separates normal people from mediocre. There is nothing fantastic about your personality if you lack the motivation to become a better you. There may be some pleasantness beneath your standoffish nature, but no one is ever going to find out if you are not pleasant enough to be gotten close to. Hence, the reason why some people are single is because they are too good for potential spouses.
A lot of singles have taken the business of looking attractive with such levity and that is why they are yet to find a spouse. Looking attractive is something we have always restricted to women but every one guy or lady needs to pay attention to how they look. For women I am not talking about going out of your way to look like a Barbie doll; even I consider that to be unnecessary, but I am talking about looking neat and pleasant with a touch of class. Guys also need to know that a jean is not supposed to be worn for six months before it is washed. Stains on the teeth can be fixed by dentists, deodorants are not for aliens, and there are some other nice colours beyond black, grey and brown.
Some other reason why most people are single is because they had this mental picture of what they wanted, found something so close to what they wanted and lost it because they didn’t stop searching. Knowing you have found what you were looking for after you have lost the person is a painful realisation. Not very many people recover from this as they keep comparing new potential spouses to the person they lost. You need to understand that crying over spilt milk cannot stop the bad that has already happened from happening. Forgive yourself and redefine your priorities so you can clearly see other good options the future offers.
Another aspect of the past hunting the present as a reason why people are single is when you have been hurt so much in the past and you lose faith in the possibility of finding any good person. A lady once told me that as a result of the hurt her boyfriend has suffered in the past, he told her he can never say “I love you” to any woman again except he is married to the person. They had several issues and it was always based on trust. He kept accusing the lady of cheating while she is not. Just as you cannot pour new wine into old wine-skins you cannot hope to have a successful relationship if you keep judging the present relationship by your experiences in the past. Hence, the reason why some people are single is because they cannot let go of the pains of the past.
The undoing of social media is another reason why a lot of people of marriageable age are still single. Singles now prefer to build imaginary relationships by chatting online as against building true intimacy with real people. Everyone looks handsome/beautiful, successful and spiritual (especially if they are following T.D Jakes or Joel Osten) online. The fantasy of perfection on social media has beclouded a lot of single people’s mind and they are missing out on good people in the real world.
I must say this in conclusion. Some people are single not because they have any issue like the ones I have mentioned, but because they just have not found someone who is attracted to them. To such people, I say do not be discouraged. Beauty, right positioning or moral uprightness is no guarantee for finding a spouse (Eccl 9:11), time and chance happens to all. Hence, despite having done all that is necessary if it is not your time then it is not your time. God has no capacity for anxiety and he will not give you today what he planned you to have tomorrow. So, calm down and enjoy your singleness. Travel if you can, increase your knowledge, volunteer to support good causes, do the things you enjoy and be the best you can while you wait such that when your spouse eventually comes around he/she will not be in doubt as to you being a product of royalty.
